


Two Strange Visitors

by writing_addiction



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler, Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-22
Updated: 2013-08-22
Packaged: 2017-12-24 06:50:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/936694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writing_addiction/pseuds/writing_addiction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"This just in: strange visitors have come to our dear desert community.  Not that this phenomenon is striking in and of itself, but these strangers--a tall, slim, and rather attractive man with sleek black hair and similarly colored fingernails, accompanied by a young boy wearing an eyepatch--seem to have peaceful intentions."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Two Strange Visitors

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Maiden_of_the_Moon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maiden_of_the_Moon/gifts).



> In the interests of being a tad more accurate, this fanfic is a Night Vale/Bicentennial series crossover. I haven't been in the Black Butler fandom proper in quite a while, so I don't really know what's going on there. So this fic is for Moony, whose own fics I adore and never tire of reading, and for my dear friend stealtharchaeologist on tumblr who just recently got into Black Butler and freaked out when I mentioned writing this.

The evening sky is a sickly grey, and the stars shine like radioactive spiders escaped from the lead-lined bottle of dashed hopes and crocheted haphazardly onto a blanket of unrealistic expectations.  Welcome to Night Vale.

This just in: strange visitors have come to our dear desert community.  Not that this phenomenon is striking in and of itself, but these strangers--a tall, slim, and rather attractive man with sleek black hair and similarly colored fingernails, accompanied by a young boy wearing an eyepatch--seem to have peaceful intentions.  They issued a statement earlier today outside of Big Rico's Pizza indicating that they were in Night Vale for "vacation."  When further questioned about the plans they had for their time in this beautiful example of a thriving and slightly spectral desert community, the man and the boy exchanged glances, after which the man issued another statement indicating that their main intention was "fun, and possibly dinner."  No one in the vicinity at the time these statements were issued quite understood what they meant, as they were consuming Big Rico’s most famous specialty pizza, which is made with gluten-free dough and topped with the mechanically processed souls of small children.

In response to this occurrence, the Sheriff's secret police issued a formal statement reiterating that any Night Vale inhabitants who wish to perform activities which may be deemed as “fun” or “enjoyable” must first have those activities approved by the Night Vale City Entertainment Board.  Any activities not approved by the Night Vale City Entertainment Board will be punished.  Severely.  In the abandoned mine shaft right outside of town.

In related news, the abandoned mine shaft right outside of town has announced that they are now offering Netflix to their prisoners at the low, low price of one surgically-excised kidney.  Most of said prisoners took to the news very well, as many of them had expressed a vested interest to watching the popular science show Mythbusters while they are being tortured.  To quote one of the prisoners, “Seeing Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman giggle like schoolgirls while everything in their immediate area explodes tends to take the edge off.”

There was, however, one dissenter among the ranks, but his discontent was largely dismissed by abandoned mine shaft staff.  They are reported to have commented thusly on the subject: “It is not our fault Mr. Gonzales was born with only one kidney.”  Mr. Gonzales declined to comment, as he was curled into the fetal position and sobbing violently.

Also, while on the subject of sobbing violently, the Night Vale Organ Procurement Team would like to take this opportunity to thank all of the abandoned mine shaft inhabitants for their recent generous donations.

Oh?  What’s this?  One of the interns has just slipped a piece of paper underneath the studio door.  I apologize for the interruption, dear listeners, but based on the shocked and frightened expression of the intern, this is undoubtedly an urgent message.

…

Station management would like me to announce that the strange visitors mentioned earlier in the broadcast are not to be trusted.  Repeat: the strange visitors mentioned earlier are not to be trusted.  The tall man and the young boy with him, the management team writes, are highly dangerous beings called “tourists.”  Tourists are not to be trusted under any circumstances.  Although, in my own very humble opinion, tall, slim, and rather attractive men with sleek black hair and similarly colored fingernails are often quite trustworthy.  Though I cannot, through personal experience, speak to the trustworthiness of young boys wearing eyepatches, I am sure the other strange visitor has only the purest, most honest intentions in regards to vacationing in Night Vale.

If my dear listeners would forgive another derailment of tonight’s broadcast, I would like to wander off subject just long enough to assure Night Vale’s favorite and most brilliant scientist that, although I find the elegantly styled coiffure of the tall man aesthetically pleasing in virtually every possible way, it will never live up to the level of sheer, unbridled perfection that your own loosely curled locks possess.  Because I mean, come _on_ , Carlos, your hair is _literally_ the best thing that’s happened to Night Vale since, like, _ever_.

And now, a word from our sponsors:

_(Today’s program is brought to you by the young boy wearing an eyepatch.  Have you ever felt that your life was meaningless?  Do you have a burning desire to rid yourself of the shackles of that pesky hindrance to bliss known as your soul?  Would you enjoy the opportunity to have another person cater to your every whim for an unspecified, but likely very short, amount of time?  If your answers to the preceding questions were a resounding yes, or if you would like a friendly helping hand with carrying out all of your deeply-seated but ultimately impotent plans for revenge, then please contact the young boy wearing an eyepatch for further details.  Tell him Cecil sent you to receive your Contract Seal absolutely free!)_

Unfortunately, though I try to broadcast in only the highest quality manner, I am at least partly human and am therefore prone to error.  I now realize that I must announce a retraction for something reported on earlier tonight.  Young boys wearing eyepatches, recent studies suggest, are also completely trustworthy.

The hooded figures who roam around our beautiful city--but who for some reason quite enjoy roaming around the dog park in particular--seemed to be reacting very strongly to the two strange visitors.  Despite strongly worded warnings and multiple municipal threats, the two strangers had what seemed to be a pleasant walk through the dog park early this afternoon.  They emerged thirty minutes later completely unscathed.  They are the only individuals in the history of the ‘hooded figure infestation’ of the dog park to make it out alive.  The City Council would like me to remind everyone the dog park is still unsafe and that “tourists” are still not to be trusted.  They would also like me to reassure everyone that the preceding assertions may or may not be causally linked.

In other news, the glow cloud has returned to our small town.  It first appeared late last night, to the simultaneous delight and dread of the citizens, and Night Vale scientists are unsure how long it may stay this time. During a private interview conducted very early this morning in the calm atmosphere of my somewhat cramped but still very cozy bedroom, Carlos the scientist, with his perfect, tousled black curls and his smooth voice that sounds like the very personification of the joyful ecstasy one feels after eating a Snickers, said, “Are you really thinking about the glow cloud right now?  Oh my god, Cecil, you are a gigantic dork.”  In my own defense, the only thing I could see from my bedroom window was the glow cloud.  Shortly thereafter, Carlos decided to distract me from my apparently strange train of thought in a number of pleasant and spiritually-fulfilling ways.  In a press release issued right now, I stated that I was, in fact, thoroughly distracted.

And now, dear listeners, the weather.

…

…

…

In a coincidence to rival that time when the Night Vale High School football team bought 137 gallons of gasoline and 26 boxes of matches and the Desert Bluffs High School just _happened_ to burn to the ground the next day, old woman Josie reported that the two strange visitors are also having an odd effect on the Angels.  She called during the weather report to inform me that the two strange visitors stopped by her house not long ago, and that she noticed change in behavior from some of the Angels.  One, she noted, stopped what he was doing, ran over to the tall man, and enveloped him in a tight hug while nuzzling his cheek and muttering nonsensically.  The tall man did not seem to enjoy this treatment at all, if his tight-lipped and slightly annoyed expression was anything to go by.  The young boy wearing an eyepatch was quoted as saying, “Uriel, this is why I love you,” and proceeded to fall to the ground and laugh hysterically.

The other Angels, said old woman Josie, watched the exchange with horrified stares.

Last, but certainly not least, dear listeners, let us take a moment out of our busy, yet somehow seemingly unproductive, lives to appreciate the small things we often take for granted.  Sand.  Sunlight.  Food and water.  Oxygen.  Anti-matter.  Parallel universes.  The nausea-inducing sense of self-awareness that appears during public speaking.  The fact that Desert Bluffs is a terrible place to live.  Netflix.  Kidneys.  The way water drips slowly off of Carlos’s hair right after he gets out of the shower.  Sharpies.  Radioactivity.

Before I say good night, dear listeners, I would like to say something to the tall, slim, and rather attractive man with sleek black hair and similarly colored fingernails and also to the young boy wearing an eyepatch.  I would like to say, “You two are shameful, utterly despicable creatures.”  I would like to say, “We know what you are, and we do not appreciate the sly manner in which you invaded Night Vale.”  I would like to say, “We urge you to leave our town in the strongest possible terms.”  I would like to say all of this because the Sheriff's secret police has ordered me under pain of death to say them, but the fact of the matter is I cannot bring myself to utter such dangerous propaganda.  So instead, what I am going to say to the two strange visitors who graced our fair city with their presence is, “You two are magnificent, altogether virtuous creatures.  We know what you are, and we appreciate that you took time out of your surely dense schedules to grace us with your proximity.  We urge you to visit us again soon in the strongest possible terms.”  Because, I assure you, Night Vale is much more interesting than the Corn Palace.

Good night, Night Vale.  

Good night.

  
  



End file.
